Deciding what to write on a headstone can be a challenging task, knowing that the words you choose form their permanent legacy - something future generations might visit, touch, and draw comfort from. Yet at a time of grief, finding the right words can feel overwhelming, here are some tips that may be useful.

You Don’t Need to Decide Straight Away

Many people feel pressured to choose an inscription during the funeral planning stage, but headstones are usually not installed until at least six months later. This gives you time to reflect, seek suggestions from family and friends, and return to the wording when emotions feel a little steadier.

Taking time can prevent regret later. It’s completely normal for families to sit with a few ideas for several weeks before making a decision – and there is no deadline for installing a headstone (or any requirement to have one at all)

Aim for Simplicity and Meaning

Headstone inscriptions work best when they are short, clear, and heartfelt. Space is limited, and simple phrases often carry the greatest emotional weight. Instead of trying to capture a whole life in a paragraph, think about the essence of the person you are remembering:

• What did they value?
• What did they bring to others’ lives?
• How did they make people feel?

A small handful of carefully chosen words can say everything.

Choose Something Timeless

Because a headstone will outlast everyone who knew the person directly, consider how the inscription will read in 10, 20, or even 50 years’ time. Timeless wording tends to feel calm, dignified, and rooted in the person’s character rather than the circumstances of their death.

If several family members are involved in the decision, taking the time to talk openly about what feels most appropriate can help avoid disagreements later.

Think About Tone and Perspective

Inscriptions can be written in several voices:

• First person, as if spoken by your loved one, for example: “Forever in our hearts.”
• Third person, describing who they were: “A beloved husband and friend.”
• A message from family, such as: “Loved beyond words, missed beyond measure.”

There isn’t a right or wrong choice, only what feels authentic to the way they lived and how you wish them to be remembered.

Types of Headstone Inscriptions to Consider

Here are some common approaches that families find helpful when shaping the inscription:

• Classic or traditional phrases “In Loving Memory”, “Forever in Our Hearts”, “Rest in Peace”
• Roles or relationships “Beloved mother, grandmother, and friend”
• Religious or spiritual wording: Short Bible verses, hymn lines, or words of blessing
• Poetry or literature: A favourite line or a short, meaningful excerpt
• Song lyrics. A phrase from music that mattered to your loved one
• Personal messages: Words that reflect their humour, warmth, hobbies, or values

If using lines from poems, hymns, or songs, check whether they are in the public domain or if the stonemason requires permission to reproduce them.

Check Cemetery or Churchyard Regulations

Different burial sites have different rules about what can be included on a headstone. For example:

• Churchyards in England often follow guidance issued by the local diocese, which may limit the types of inscriptions or styles allowed.
• Many cemeteries have regulations to ensure memorials are respectful and in keeping with the surroundings.

Your funeral director or stonemason can explain these requirements clearly, so you can choose wording that feels right while also meeting the site’s rules.

What Most Inscriptions Include

While many families personalise their wording, the following details are typically included on a headstone:

• An opening phrase such as “In Loving Memory of”
• The person’s full name (and sometimes a nickname)
• Dates of birth and death
• A relationship description: “A devoted father and brother”
• A short closing phrase or personal tribute

You can keep this traditional structure or adapt it to suit the person’s personality.

If You’re Struggling to Decide

It is very common to feel unsure or stuck. Funeral directors and memorial stonemasons help families with inscriptions every day and can offer examples, guidance, and reassurance. They can also confirm any length restrictions, lettering styles, or rules specific to the burial place. Give yourself time, there is no deadline, by removing pressure on yourself you may find the words come when you are ready.

A Thoughtful Tribute Takes Time

Choosing a headstone inscription is an emotional and significant task. With time, gentle reflection, and the right support, you can create a memorial that honours your loved one with warmth, truth, and dignity. If you’d like help finding funeral directors who can guide you through inscription choices, headstone designs, and memorial costs, you can search and compare local providers on The Farewell Guide.