Death Cafés: A Chance to Talk Openly About Death, and Life

October 2025

When you first hear the phrase Death Café, you might imagine something sombre maybe a room full of grieving people or a support group for the recently bereaved. But that couldn’t be further from the truth.

A Death Café isn’t therapy, counselling, or a bereavement group. It’s a relaxed, friendly gathering, usually with tea, cake, and open hearts, where people come together simply to talk about death and dying. There’s no agenda, no advice, and nothing to sell. It’s a conversation, not a counselling session.

And while it might sound unusual, these conversations are often full of laughter, warmth, and even relief.

Misconception 1: “Death Cafés are for people who are grieving.”

Many people assume you have to be recently bereaved or struggling with loss to attend.

You don’t need to be in mourning or facing your own mortality. Most attendees are ordinary people curious about how to approach death more openly, and how to live more meaningfully as a result.

There’s no expectation to share personal stories of loss. Some people do, but others simply listen or talk about how they want to plan ahead.

It’s not a space for therapy, it’s a space for conversation.

Misconception 2: “It’s dark or morbid.”

The name can put people off but Death Cafés are anything but gloomy. You’re more likely to hear laughter than silence.

Talking about death doesn’t summon it closer; it just makes it less scary. People leave feeling lighter because they’ve said things out loud that often go unsaid: a refreshing change from how society usually treats death, as something to avoid or whisper about.

Misconception 3: “It’s a religious or spiritual event.”

Another common myth is that Death Cafés are tied to religion or belief systems. They’re not. They welcome all perspectives whether you’re spiritual, secular, or simply curious.

And again, they’re not support groups or faith meetings. You won’t find anyone preaching or leading a structured discussion. The idea is to talk with people, not at them. Everyone’s views are equally valid.

Why We Need Death Cafés

Death Cafés in their current form began London in 2011 and now take place in more than 80 countries. Their popularity speaks volumes: people want to talk about death, they just need permission.

We plan our weddings, holidays, and even our meals in great detail, but rarely our funerals or end-of-life wishes. A Death Café helps break that silence in a kind, thoughtful way.

By talking openly about death, we start to think about how we’d like to be remembered, what kind of send-off feels right, and how to spare our loved ones from having to guess.

These conversations can be the first step towards action, and that’s where The Farewell Guide comes in.

Moving From Awkwardness to Clarity

One of the most common reflections people have after hearing about Death Cafés is: “I’ve never actually told anyone what I’d want.”

That’s where The Farewell Guide makes things simple.

It’s a free, practical way to record your funeral wishes - click here to start your plan (make sure you choose 'plan a funeral for the future'). From music choices and readings to whether you’d prefer flowers, charitable donations, or both. You can name a charity close to your heart, write down any personal messages, and outline whether you want any theme for your funeral. Once you have completed your plan, you can download it all as a PDF to share with loved ones, or keep it alongside your will or other important documents.

Just like a Death Café, The Farewell Guide is about taking the fear out of the unknown and giving you and your loved ones something tangible to act on.

Misconception 4: “Talking about death upsets people.”

Many people avoid the topic because they don’t want to upset their families. But in some cases it can ease distress by giving loved ones concrete information to focus on.It means your loved ones can focus on celebrating your life rather than worrying about what you “would have wanted.”

A Death Café offers the opportunity to start the conversation; The Farewell Guide provides a way to capture it. Together, they transform an awkward subject into a lasting gift of clarity and peace.

Misconception 5: “It’s like group therapy.”

It’s worth repeating, Death Cafés are not therapy sessions.

No one’s there to diagnose or counsel or ‘fix’ you. You won’t be asked to share personal grief unless you choose to. There are no facilitators steering emotions or offering advice, just people gathered as equals, united by curiosity and compassion.

That distinction matters because it keeps the space open, light, and welcoming. You can come once or return often, with no expectations attached.

For those looking for bereavement support, there are many excellent services designed specifically for that, but a Death Café is something different. It’s about starting the conversation before you ever reach that stage.

Conversations That Change How We Live

Talking about death doesn’t have to be heavy. In fact, many people find that after attending a Death Café, they feel more motivated to live fully, appreciate relationships, and make meaningful plans.

They might go home and talk to their loved ones about what kind of funeral they’d like. They might finally write down their wishes. Or they might just feel more at ease knowing that it’s okay to talk about death.

And when that conversation turns into action through The Farewell Guide, it becomes more than just talk, it becomes a plan.

Final Thoughts

Death Cafés remind us that talking about it won’t make it come sooner, but avoiding it can make it harder when the time comes.

A Death Café opens the door to honest, stigma-free conversation. The Farewell Guide helps you take the next step by allowing you to record your wishes clearly, so those you love don’t have to guess.

So don’t let the name fool you: a Death Café is really about living well, loving well, and leaving well.