At The Farewell Guide, we believe that clear, early planning can prevent unnecessary heartache. Here are some of the most common family arguments that happen around funerals and tips on how to avoid them.
Burial vs Cremation
One of the most common disagreements is over whether the person should be buried or cremated. This is especially difficult if the deceased didn’t leave clear instructions.
Avoid it: Encourage open conversations while loved ones are still alive. Better still, document your wishes in a will or funeral plan. If you’re arranging a funeral and no wishes are known, try to base decisions on the person's values and past conversations, not personal preferences.
Religious or Cultural Differences
In families with different beliefs, disputes can arise over how religious (or not) the funeral should be.
Avoid it: Focus on what the person themselves would have wanted. If they were religious, it’s respectful to reflect that in the service, even if some family members aren’t. If beliefs differed within the family, consider incorporating elements that acknowledge both perspectives.
Who’s in Charge?
Tensions often rise over who gets to make decisions, especially in families with step-relations, estrangements or where no legal executor is clearly defined.
Avoid it: Legally, the person named in the will (or the closest next of kin) has the right to make arrangements. It helps to communicate clearly and involve key family members where possible, but ultimately one person needs to lead with transparency and fairness.
Money and Costs
Funerals can be expensive and disagreements often centre around who pays, how much should be spent and whether it’s worth taking from the estate.
Avoid it: Be upfront about budget from the start. If the person had a prepaid plan, use it. If not, stick to what is affordable, not what feels expected. Remember: a meaningful funeral doesn’t have to be costly.
The Guest List and Speakers
Disputes sometimes arise over who should be invited, who should speak and what should or shouldn’t be said at the service.
Avoid it: Make space for input, but not control. If tensions are high, consider a neutral celebrant to help mediate the tone and structure of the service. Focus the event on honouring the person’s life, not old conflicts.
The Will and Inheritance Overshadowing the Funeral
Unfortunately, arguments about wills and inheritance sometimes spill over into the funeral itself, distracting from the purpose of the gathering.
Avoid it: Try to separate the practical and legal matters from the emotional farewell. If needed, postpone discussions about the estate until after the funeral.
How to Prevent These Arguments in the First Place
While you can’t control grief, you can plan ahead to reduce uncertainty and conflict. Here’s how:
- Record your wishes
- Consider a prepaid funeral plan to relieve financial strain
- Communicate clearly with your family about what you’d want
- Use platforms like The Farewell Guide to explore and document options
A Thoughtful Farewell Shouldn’t End in a Family Feud
Funerals are about honouring someone’s life, not fighting over the details. A bit of forward thinking and open conversation can go a long way toward keeping peace at a difficult time.
At The Farewell Guide, we offer tools, guides and support to help families navigate funeral planning with clarity and compassion, so the focus stays where it belongs: on remembrance, not resentment.
Need help planning or documenting your wishes?
Visit The Farewell Guide to compare funeral options, explore prepaid plans, or get trusted guidance.