For many of us, black is the colour that immediately comes to mind when we think of funerals. It feels quiet, respectful and somehow right. But a lot of what we believe about wearing black is tradition, not rule and those traditions have changed a lot over time.
This article gently untangles the history, the common myths and the modern realities so you can feel calm and confident about what to wear whether you choose black, navy, or something brighter and meaningful.
Where the idea of “wearing black” began
The link between dark clothes and mourning stretches back centuries. In Roman times, dark garments were worn by those grieving as a visible sign of loss. Later in Europe, black became associated with mourning partly because darker dyes were costly, so wearing black could also indicate status. The custom was cemented in the Victorian era, when Queen Victoria’s prolonged public mourning influenced how British society dressed for bereavement.
These traditions created formal rules around mourning like veils, gloves and strict timetables for how long someone should remain in “deep” mourning. Over time, though, those strict rules loosened and the meanings behind colours shifted.
Myth 1; You must wear black to show respect
Not true. Black is still widely recognised as respectful, but it isn’t a strict requirement. Today most families set the tone. Some ask for dark, formal clothing; others invite guests to wear bright colours to celebrate a life. If an invitation specifies a dress code, follow that; if not, choose something neat and understated, and you’ll be fine.
Myth 2; Wearing colour is always inappropriate
Also false. Increasingly, funerals are personalised and that can include the dress. Celebration-of-life services, cultural ceremonies or family requests sometimes encourage colour, meaningful patterns, or a particular item (a scarf, a team shirt, a flower). The most important thing is respect for the family’s wishes and the tone of the service.
Myth 3; The rules only apply to older generations
Traditions do shift across generations, but there’s no single right answer. Some older mourners prefer the formality of darker clothes; many younger people favour personal expression. Both responses are valid. What matters is empathy: wear what supports the family and honours the person who has died.
Practical tips for what to wear:
If you want a simple checklist to follow:
• Check the invitation or ask a close family member if you can.
• If there’s no guidance, choose sober, tidy clothing dark or muted tones are a safe bet.
• For outdoor or woodland funerals, think practical footwear and warm layers.
• Use small personal touches (a coloured scarf, a brooch, a lapel pin) to honour the person if you wish.
These small decisions keep the focus where it should be: on the person you’re remembering.
Culture and religion
Not all cultures use black to mourn. In several Eastern traditions, for example, white is the customary colour for funerals, symbolising purity and peace. When a service follows a religious tradition, check with the family or officiant to make sure you respect any specific expectations.
What really matters more than colour
Clothing is just one way to show care. More important are the things you do: turning up on time, offering condolences messages, listening, and helping where needed. Showing presence and kindness will always matter more than the shade of your outfit.
Finally..
Wearing black is a meaningful tradition, but it isn’t the only way to show respect. Traditions evolve, families differ, and the best guide is common sense and empathy. If you’re unsure, ask. If you follow the family’s wishes and bring your presence and support, you’ll have honoured the person well.
If you’re planning a funeral and want help with practical details from service tone and dress guidance to finding trusted local professionals funeral directors, The Farewell Guide can help you organise everything with compassion and clarity.