When someone you value is grieving, the impulse to fix things is strong. We want to ease the pain, say the right words, and make quiet, uncomfortable moments feel okay again. But grief isn’t a problem to fix; it’s an experience we need to sit with. This guide shows simple, practical ways to be present, offers gentle words you can use, and suggests things to avoid.
The most helpful thing you can give is your presence. Just sitting with someone and listening can be powerful. Allowing silence also matters. You don’t need a script, just hold a hand, make a cup of tea, or send a short message saying you’re there. Small, steady acts matter more than grand gestures.
Try: “I’m here, whenever you want to talk or if you’d like me to sit with you.”
Avoid: “I know how you feel” (unless you actually have the same lived experience and they invited that comparison).
What to say
People often ask what to say. Short, honest phrases that validate the person’s experience work best. Below are comforting sayings for grief that feel human and real:
● “I’m so sorry for your loss.”
● “I’m thinking of you and I’m here.”
● “There’s no right way to feel. Take all the time you need.”
● “I can’t imagine how hard this is. I’m here to help.”
● “Would you like me to come over or bring anything for you?”
Use these as a starting point then listen. The words are less important than the message behind them: I see you, I’m with you, you are not alone.
Practical help that really lands
Words matter, but actions translate love into relief. Practical support often outshines speeches:
● Offer to help with specific tasks: cooking one meal, walking a pet, or sorting paperwork.
● Drive them to appointments or to meet with funeral directors.
● If they need time, offer to take a call or reply to messages on their behalf.
● Check in regularly; grief isn’t one day, it’s many.
If you’re local, small practical acts (picking up shopping, driving to the funeral home) can be lifesaving. If you’re far away, regular messages or arranging a food delivery are still deeply helpful.
What not to say or do
● Avoid “They’re in a better place” unless you know the person finds comfort in that belief.
● Don’t rush them with “You’ll be fine” or “Time heals all” ; these minimise their pain.
● Refrain from comparing losses, every relationship and grief is different.
Encourage getting professional help if grief lasts a long time. Look for signs such as difficulty with daily tasks, withdrawal, or discussions about self-harm. Offer to help find a grief counsellor or a local support group.
When you are grieving, you may need to make practical decisions. This includes planning a funeral, getting quotes, or finding local funeral directors. The Farewell Guide is here to help you with these tasks. Use our platform to:
● Start a funeral plan and record wishes in one place.
● Compare local funeral directors and trusted providers.
● Access checklists and practical grief support resources.
Support doesn’t require perfect words. It requires patience, steady presence, and small acts that say “I remember, I care, I’m here.” If you want to help a friend who is grieving, The Farewell Guide can assist you. It offers support for practical planning and funeral arrangements. You can take the next step with care and clarity.